Time Machine

Last night I went and played at Rileys. I had a wonderful time playing and listening to my parents and my brother play. My dad has this new song called the Time Machine. I must admit it had me crying like some kind of Hallmark commercial. In the song he talks about coming to a moment in his life where he woke up and realized the only thing that could help him now would be a time machine. See there had been a few bad years that had gone by. A lot of very important people in his life had died and it seemed like the world just stopped turning for a few years. In the song he details how he realized that you can't buy a time machine you have to build one. And as he talks it become clear that he isn't talking about a time machine to go back in time, because that of course could never exist. See this time machine goes forward. In this time machine you get to keep moving forward and start making better choices.  That is exactly how life is. We all have those moments where we wish we could go back in time and make different choices. But the difference is realizing that to simply have that wish to go back and change what cannot be undone is the catalyst that propels us into a better future. We can't get back wasted years but we can create better years. We can fight for the people we love. We can choose to be happy when life gives us things that seem so unfair. We can dream new dreams and work towards making them a reality. I truly believe any amount of wasted time can be made up for with more meaningful time. It is not the amount of time we are given in life that matters, it is what we do with time. I am a strong believer in quality over quantity. It is never too late. There is no expiration date on happiness or love. It is simply up to the individual to nurture that love and create that happiness. Any time. No time machine needed.

Progress

I am happy to say I lost another 3 lbs this week! Big smile =) . That brings the grand total to 13 lbs lost in 8 weeks. I've got 309 days to go and 39 lbs to reach my original goal of 1 lb per week 52 lbs lost this year. I am trucking right along. I am ahead of my goal by 5 lbs! I very well might surpass my original goal and be back down to my ideal weight of 150 lbs faster than I expected - as long as I keep taking this week by week and staying positive. The change is happening.

Living With PCOS

I guess I have "lived " with PCOS for years, but now I am really "living" with PCOS. Nothing is more frustrating than the 6 years I spent being bounced from dr. to dr. only to be told different things. I had an endocrinologist who said I was just fat. So I lost weight. Then I had a dermotologist tell me my hair was falling out because I lost weight. When I was finally diagnosed with PCOS by a reproductive endocrinologist about a year ago I was told to come back when I was ready to have kids. So I spend a year not treating or dealing with my PCOS and things just got worse. I gained another 30-40 lbs and I felt miserable inside and out. I hid. I stopped going out in public unless I had to. I distanced myself from friends. Finally I was able to get a dr. who offered treatment options. I now take numerous pills a day, I eat right, and I exercise.

I take metformin for blood sugar regulations.
Spironlocatone to reduce the testostorone in my system.
Mononessa for estrogen.
I take a Multi Vitamin, Cinnomin, Biotin, and Fish Oil.
And I use Rogaine every day like some kind of 50 year old man.


I don't have the option anymore to not care. I am thisclose to developing adult onset diabetes. I will lose my hair. I will not be able to have kids. I dont' want any of that. I find myself sometimes feeling sorry for myself. What did I do to deserve all of this? But we all have things that are not fair in our lives, and we also have things that are amazing gifts. Intellegence, beauty, talent -- I would like to think I posses those qualities. So I focus on what I do have to be thankful for. Also, by living this very healthy lifestyle, in the big picture I may end up healthier and happier than if I never had PCOS to begin with. How Ironic.

How Do You Lose 80 lbs?

When most people want to lose weight the first thing they do is they set a goal. Most people set unrealistic goals. "I want to lost 20 lbs in a month" Then of course when they don't see the quick results they want they get frustrated and give up. Or like certain family member who will remain nameless *caugh* I have been guilty of this too in the past ..... they go all low carb lose 30 lbs and then put it back on. (not healthy -- not to mention all that red meat is bad for your heart) ....... So the real answer to "how do you lose 80 lbs" is ONE POUND AT A TIME.


That is how I am taking this. If you were to ask me what my goal is I would say "to lose a pound this week" Yes Ideally I would love to lose the 80lbs I gained in the past 3 years, but I know that if I set that kind of goal it would overwhelm me. So instead I set my goals smaller. Every week I meet or surpass my goal I feel good about myself. I know that before I know it my birthday will be here again and 52 weeks will have gone by. Whether I lose 50 lbs or 80 lbs -- it will have been done 1 lb at a time.

Patience

It is very strange that the years teach us patience - that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting. - Elizabeth Taylor

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience


The strongest of all warriors are these two: Time and Patience. – Leo Tolstoi

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.- Napolean Hill


You must learn to live in the present and accept yourself for what you are now. What you lack in flexibility and agility you must make up with knowledge and constant practice.- Bruce Lee

Our patience will achieve more than our force.- Edmund Burke


Taking things one day at a time really tests a person's patience. There are days that you think "man I wish things were further along". Or times when you get frustrated that you feel you have worked so hard but have not gone further. Change really does happen one day at a time - one decision at a time. They key is to be happy during the journey. It is not reaching the desitination who makes us who we are it is the journey. Having patience means accepting that things take time and being content in the mean time. Learning to have patience will not only make you a better person but it will make you a happier person.

Getting Excited

Something happens about a month or two into losing weight. You start to get excited. Clothes start fitting that haven't fit in a really long time. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you notice a difference. Then you start day dreaming. For me, I am starting to imagine what it will be like to get back down to my goal weight. How I will have an excuse to buy cute new professional clothes. I see myself being more confident. Maybe playing more shows or trying to get a show of my own. I want to get a tatoo. Don't tell my dad. I am going to have horrible strech marks and I was thinking how cool it would be to get tattoos to cover them up. Just a thought. I also have noticed that little things have changed. Today I went into the office and they had a pep rally for sales and I was chosen to represent my team at work. There was the best looking spread of cookies and punch and chips all spread out for the taking. I didn't even look twice at them. No interst. I see that now and I see sugar. I think about my insulin resistance and I think "that cookie is so not worth it". I hope tht after this journey is over I can find peace with myself. I hope that I make changes that stick. I hope I will always see that cookie as just "sugar" and that I never let myself slip back into this situation. I find comfort in knowing that this wasn't all "myfault". That I do have a condition that causes all the problems I have. But, I also take responsibility for the portion that was my fault. Choosing to eat junk because it tasted good over because it was good for me. Choosing to drink more than I really should drink. Choosing not to work out because I had lazier things to do. Life really is all about choices. Some choices are small choices that we make each and every day, like what we eat, or the words we speak - but over time they create who we are. So now I make new choices. Every day I find myself a little closer to where I want to be and I am excited.

Shine

Who told you
That you’re not good enough
You shouldn’t be putting up
With words of that kind
And who told you
That you’re not pretty enough
That you might as well give up
Well pay them no mind
Cause You are as beautiful
As the sky in the month of June
When the sun is setting
And the auburn light falls around you
But you only see
Only see what you want to see
And you can only be
As happy as you’ll let yourself be
Well you should shine
You should shine
You should shine
Cause you are beautiful
Who told you
That you’re not strong enough
To make it through the rough
And find your way home
And you who told you
That you’re dreams aren’t coming true
Well isn’t that up to you
And you alone
Cause You are as beautiful
As the sky in the month of June
When the sun is setting
And the auburn light falls around you
But you only see
Only see what you want to see
And you can only be
As happy as you’ll let yourself be
Well you should shine
You should shine
You should shine
Cause you are beautiful

41 Days

It is hard to believe it has already been 41 days. It seems like yesterday I started this journey. Well so far it has been up and down. For the most part, it has all been good. The medications make me sick, but they also make me feel better in a strange way. My blood sugar is leveled out so I don't feel hungry hardly ever. So far I am down from 231 to 222 lbs. My skin is clearing up. I don't know about my hair because that takes time to grow back. I hope once this process is over I can get a realy cute hair cut and wear my hair down, instead of wearing it up all the time. I have started to imagine what is will be like to get to my goal weight which is anywhere from 130-160 lbs. Buying cute clothes. Dressing up. Going out and feeling confident. I find it very frustrating that just as my life professionally and personally was getting better and more accomplished, I was losing the battle with myself. I feel like if I can conquer this battle with my sickness I can be a person who really has a lot to envy. I will be happy and strong no matter what level I achieve. I think just the process makes you a better - stronger person. So 41 days down 324 more to go!

Life is Taking Chances and Letting Go

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon

"If you wait to do everything until you are sure that it is right, you will probably not do much of anything." - Win Bordon

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” - Michelangelo

"Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today." - James Dean

"In the end we get no more than we are willing to risk giving"


Everyday we take chances in life. We are defined by the chances we take. Those forks in the metaphorical road that we come to, sometimes every day. I am such a planner. Maybe it comes from having parents who are not planners. My little way of making sure that I have a sense of control over where my life is going. But, I know I can try to control things too much. I know that I can take few too risks. The world needs people like me. We are leaders. We make sure things get done, and loose ends get tied up. But, what about me? How many chances in life have I passed things up, because I wanted to take the simplest route or the route that made most sense. Now I am not going to jump out of a plane or anything, but I would like to see myself plan a little less and dare a little more.

"Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's."

~ Billy Wilder

Progress

I am super pleased to say that I lost 3 lbs this week. That bring my grand total after 4 weeks to 8 lbs! That is awesome. My goal was only to lose 1 lb per week - so I am rocking! I have decided to adopt many of the practices that the PCOS diet recommends, but I am not going to go on it like a diet. I don't want to do "diets" any more or ever again. I want to slowly change the way I eat over time. One of the things I am doing is switching from regular coffee to green tea. I am also going to switch from Splenda to Stevia. I am going to try to not eat rice, pasta, potatoes, or wheat as much as possible, but I am not going to ban them from my diet. Every once in a while I really like a sweet potato or a piece of whole grain toast, and so, I will have one. What I am going to kick from my diet forever is processed carbs. Those things are so un-natural and full of sugar, our bodies were never designed to eat foods like that. I also am still showing a body fat percentage of 46%. I know that in order to lower my body fat percentage to 35% or less I will have to focus more on exercise, both cardio and strength training. I am still trying to get adjusted to the medications, which make me weak and nauseous, but as soon as I start feeling like my normal self I am going to make that a priority. Plus the exercise will help me to keep making the great progress I have been making.

The PCOS Diet

I ordered a 490 page e-book (more like a textbook) called the "Natural Diet Solution for PCOS and Infertility". It is a very comprehensive book, and it backs up much of everything is says with studies and research. It has detailed chapters on just about everything - from PCOS symptoms and diagnosis to diet and exercise. Now, the diet portion of this book is very extreme. Instead of spending an hour saying what you can't eat, let me just say what you can eat.

organic lean meat, eggs, nuts, fruits and vegitables.


You can't have beans. You can't have any kind of wheat not even whole grain. You can't have peanuts. Honestly reading this book made me crave a piece of toast.

I very well may give it a try, but I am definitaly going to have to psych myself up.