Society and Weight

I think society needs to get its story straight. Society says it is shamefull to be overweight, yet society says the same about caring if you are overweight. Example you gain weight you say to people "I am so unhappy I feel awful" to which they instinctually reply " you shouldn't care what anyone thinks" or " you look good big" or "don't say that, its what's on the inside that counts". Meantime there are 20 infomercials on each night telling you how your dreams can come true if you buy/use their machine/product. The diet and exercise industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. And those same people who weigh more than 50 lbs less than you later can't help but mention how they themselves would love to lose a few pounds. C'mon world we've got to get our stories straight. How can something be not ok and ok at the same time? I told our therepist that I gained 80 lbs in two years which was caused by PCOS and that I don't feel pretty anymore, to which she replied "but Sean still thinks you are pretty". Is that supposed to fix the problem? The problem isn't Sean, the problem is me. I don't feel pretty. Sean can think I am the Queen of Sheba, but that isn't going to change my self image. I don't know the secret to feeling better about myself. I don't think a lot of us do. That is probably why there are a million self help books out there. When I say this is a journey, man am I ever not kidding.

On a positive note. The Slow carb diet has been going well. On an unexpected, yet positive, note I have found that cutting carbs has pretty much gotten rid of the stomach problems I was having with the Metformin. This is good because now I am more likely to actually take my medication 3 times a day like I am supposed to. The slow carb diet is strange in a way because you have to get used to weight fluctuations due to the once a week cheat day. The first week I lost 4 lbs. Then after cheat day I gained 2 lbs back and now I am still waiting for that weight to drop off and to lose more. I don't expect to lost 4lbs every week. I would be thrilled with 2 lbs per week. And, now that I have discovered the added benefits of my stomach feeling better I plan on sticking with this way of eating for a long time. At least until I am healthy enough to get off of the Metformin. Oh that will be such a happy day. I appreciate medication for the wonderful things it can do, but most medications have side effects and Metformin for me has been the worst medication for side effects I have ever taken.

So just to re-cap. Society is strange. Metformin is bad. And the slow carb diet is good.

Slow Carb Day 3

Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. for giggles I weighed myself this morning and I've lost 4 lbs. But, I am 99% sure that is just water weight. I am optimistic that my total weight loss for this week will be very motivating. I have had some carbohydrate withdrawels. Yesterday at work I caved and got a skinny vanilla latte which has like 110 calories. I was 7 hours into my 9 hour day and I just wasn't going to make it without something. I figure that was a lot better than the sushi I wanted to buy downstairs. Note to self put sushi on my cheat day meal list. Better yet one of those cheap chinese buffets that serves all the yummy fried foods and half decent sushi. mmmmmmm........ So day 2 and Sean was already complaining about beans. It's funny I wonder why it is the beans you seem to get sick of first? Well over time the carb withdrawels will go away and Sean and I will learn to accept the beans on the simple fact that we are hungry and they have energy in them.

I took measurement this morning. Wow that was depressing and eye opening. My once always 28 inch waist has now ballooned to 41 inches. Here are my starting measurements.

Chest 45"
Waist 41"
Hips 50"
Theeigh 29.5"
Knee 20.5"
Arms 15"

I am going to conintue to not only weight myself but to measure in case there are weeks that I don't lose weight I may lose inches and that will keep me motivated.

Motivation. Motivation. Motivation. That is the key right now. It's just another phase in a long journey. You don't win by getting there fastest - you just win if you get there.

Momentum

Today I came into work, and a co-worker greeted me with such enthusiasm. She had read my blog. She was so excited. I said, "Well I haven't lost any more weight yet" and she said "That's not the point. The point is just put it all out there. You said this is where I am this is where I want to be and this is what I am going to do." It made me smile. It feels good to have people support you.

Day 1 of the Slow Carb Diet went well. Today we are having a pot luck and work. I have a plan. They are having tacos. I will just make a taco salad. Lettuse meat beans guacamole tomatos etc. I cooked my eggs and turkey bacon this morning and put it in some tuppaware and ate them once I got to work. Yesterday Sean and I actually went into the work out room and proceeded to exercise. On purpose mind you. I had to open the air vent. It must have been closed for 4 months.

You get one cheat day per week on the slow carb diet. I think it will have to be this saturday since we are going to a wedding and they are having an Italian food dinner. But, normally we will have our cheat day on Sunday. Any time I get a craving for something I shouldn't eat I write it down and tell myself I can have it Sunday. Its a great way to prevent cheating or binging.

The truth is there are a million diets out there in the world. The best diet is simply the one you stick to.

A New Plan And Some Catching Up

I realized the other day that I have never met one of my best friends growing up son's even though she made the attempt to see me. Why? Because I was too emberrassed for her to see me grossly overweight. That really makes me sad and it makes me angry - angry at myself. I realize more than ever that more than just losing weight for health reasons I also ( many of us) need to change the way we feel about overweight people - including ourselves. We are after all - all just people. So I think I will make that call.

Speaking of calls I got a call from my dr. about a week ago and my estrogen is at a whopping 16. Yes normall is 200 or more. My worst ever was 9. Basically the estrogen level of a dead person. I have been taking metformin for a year now and I have taken the spironolactone and the estrogen pills, and I really don't feel like I have made the kind of progress that I should be. I realize and I blame 90% of it on me. I was doing so well losing weight until November of last year. I lost 17 lbs. From 231 to 214 but I have alas gained 10 of it back. I am almost back where I started.

So the game plan is a follows. A higher dosage of estrogen. Metformin 3 times a day. Continue with the spironolactone. (If I could state one positive I have notices a great improvement in hair re-growth combining the spironolactone and just over the counter Rogain) Exercise goal is 3 times per week. And, following the great success my own mother has had losing 30 lns in about 3 months, the Slow Carb Diet.

My goal according to my dr. is to get my estrogen up to 100. My goal as far as weight loss would be to try and lose 50 lbs on the Slow Carb Diet. I would say in the next 7-8 months. The ultimate goal is to get pregnant in the next 2-3 years.

No matter how many times you fail or fall down, getting up is what matters.  I may have to "get up" 100 times - but as long as I get to where I want to be - that is what  really matters.