Post 106...The Good in The Midst of the Ugly

If you've been reading my blog, then you are aware of the challenges that I have been facing recently. I'd like to take today's blog entry to talk about the good things happening in the midst of the ugly.

  First off as of today I have lost 17.5 lbs in 63 days. Here are the adjectives I would use to describe this: miraculous, awesome, fantastic, amazing, magical, profound, life changing, exciting, empowering, etc. For a woman with PCOS to lost 2 lbs a week steady for over 8 weeks is awesome, just plain awesome. Crazy enough - although the PCOS causing the extreme weight gain, the first line treatment (besides hormone therapy) is good old fashioned weight loss. They recommend a woman try and lost 5-10% of her weight and ideally 20%. I have so far lost 8.2 % !

My goals are as follows:
 200 lbs = 37 lbs = 15.6 % 
180 = 57 = 24%
150 = 87 = 36.7 %

These are of course just goals. I do not strive for perfection just progress. I am only 5 lbs away from the low I got to last year of 214 before I gave in and gave up in October 2010. I have a destinct goal. I want to start trying to have a baby January of 2012. That gives me about 16 months, which I feel is plenty of time. If I can get back down to my normal weight of 150 I will be back into a healthy weight class and have a much less risky pregnancy than is I were still over weight. Although if I don't reach my goal I am still going to try. I will be 29 and a half. I feel this is a very good age to have a child. I've had time to enjoy life without the responsibillity. I've gotten all of my partying days out of my system. (I still haven't had a drink in now 63 days) And I will hopefully be at a place financially that I can support the child - or hopefully children. Two would be nice. Nice is an understandment. One would be a miraculous gift from God and two would just be more than I could ever hope for grateful. I always wanted to wait until I was 30 to have a baby, and timing worked out exactly that way. That is if I am able to get pregnant. If not then adoption here I come. My dad said he would buy me a baby. I told him I wanted a Black one, a White one, and Asian one and a Mexican one....he laughed and called me Angelina Jolie. I said well then that makes Sean Brad Pitt and we all had a good laugh.

The biggest thing is although there is a lot of ugly health issues going on right now with both Sean and I, I still have hope. I have to focus on the good things that are happening. Like the weight loss. Or the fact that I keep getting compliments on my hair looking thicker. Or compliments on how nice my skin looks. I believe I am getting better. I believe that I am going to manage this PCOS. And if I have a baby then I can say "I beat it". Although I will forever live with PCOS (until menopause I guess), I will win if I achieve my goals. My words to my disease: You do not own me. I own me. You may have hitched a ride, but I will not let you dictate the outcome of my life. I am stronger than you.