What It Is Like To Be A Fat American

I hate being fat. I am thankful for a lot of things. That I am alive. That I have friends, family and dogs that love me. That I have my wonderful Sean in my life. That I can sing and write and garden. But, I HATE being fat. I don't hate being fat because some magazine says I should be a size two. I honestly don't find women that thin attractive. Sorry if you are one of them, but women that skinny tend to look like adolescent  boys. I would say the most attractive size is somewhere between an 8 and a 12 - depending on how tall the woman is. And yes, I still feel like I look like the Michelin Man crossed with the Pillsbury dough boy.

 What I hate about being fat is the way my body feels. I hate when my pants dig into my gut when I am sitting at a restaurant. And no, I am not wearing too small sizes. That's another thing I hate. I hate trying to find an article of clothing that actually fits. Either they can be too tight at times or they start falling off after I wear them for over an hour. So I live in yoga pants. I hate not being able to wear dresses because my big fat thighs rub together and it hurts. I hate the heat. Being fat and Texas heat do not mix. I hate not being able to wear shorts. I miss shorts. Shorts are so cute and comfortable. I hate getting tired so easy. I miss my energy. I hate it when my feet hurt from just standing or walking around. I also hate the way society looks at and treats people my size. It is automatically assumed I eat like crap and lay on the couch all day. So not true. I don't think anyone ever thinks - maybe they have an endocrine disorder. Not that I always ate perfect, but there were times I was literally dieting and still gaining weight because my insulin and hormones were so out of whack. There are also a lot of overweight people who got there because they were/are depressed and eating made them feel better.

 It is a crazy world we live in. A complete paradox. On one end you  have this ultra presuristic society that says "thin is in" - "you can never be too thin or too rich". Millions of women across this country gauge their self worth by a number on a scale. I am guilty of falling into that trap. On the other end, you have constant junk food shoved into your face. Commercials, check out lanes at grocery stores, restaurants with their gigantic portions and of course fast food for us over-worked under-paid over-booked and out of time Americans. Then once you get fat, it's constant bombardment of diets, gyms, products shoved in your face to lose weight. This thing. This "overweight American" is like a giant living breathing organism that feeds off of its own destruction. So yeah, I could smile and say cliché things like "beauty is on the inside" and it is but I am also going to be honest and say being fat sucks. I hate being fat. So what is it like to be a fat American? Shitty.