I haven't written in this blog in over a month. It was a hard month. Sean was hospitalized with 5 blood clots in his left leg. Then shortly after his beloved grandfather passed away. I have spent the past month taking care of him. I know he would do the same for me. During the past month I comforted myself with food. There were days I didn't take my medication for want of not feeling sick. I realize that it has been months and months, since before the holidays, that I was on track like I should be. I know that I have two choices at this point. 1. I can feel bad about it, feel sorry for myself, and give in and give up or 2. I can learn from my mistakes, pick myself up by the bootstraps and take it from here.
The video below is from spring of last year, right around when I hit my heaviest. It is really hard for me to watch. I honestly barely recognize myself. I have actually ran into people who don't recognize me either, and it hurts and its emberassing. But, my feeling about the way I look are truly superficial in the big picture. More than anything, I just want to get healthy. Nothing drove that point home more than watching Sean get so sick at the age of 29. I know that if we let ourselves fall back into old un-healthy habits, that we will both end up being very sick un-happy people. We both have a choice in the matter. It isn't easy to live healthy. Obviously this is something most people struggle with. I always wonder why the things in life that are bad are the easiest things to do? I guess you get out of life what you put into life. We are both working hard at putting more into life to get the most out of the precious time we have. I remain optimistic. =)