Sunday, August 25, 2013

Amazing Results


I am so excited to finally reach the 50 lb weight loss mark. Since May I have lost 27 lbs. On May 6th, my measurements were 50 chest, 45 waist and 53 hips. Today, my measurements are 45 chest, 38.5 waist and 47 hips. That means I have lost 5 inches from my chest, 6.5 inches from my waist and 6 inches from my hips. That is a total of  17.5 inches. I have gone from a tight size 22 to a 16/18 and 283 lbs. to 233 lbs. 

We also had a health fair at work, and my non fasting blood sugar level was 104 just an hour after lunch. And that is with no metformin! Just diet and exercise. I am also off of hormone pills, and having regular periods. Even my skin is glowing! It is so much more than just weight loss, it is improved health. And health, is my true motivation in this journey. 











Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Art of Letting Go

I find social media a fascinating thing. Although most of it is filtered crap of what people want you to believe their life is really like, there are rare gems of true un-filtered honesty. No more do I find honesty in the words people speak, than as when they are angry, upset or disappointed. Even I find myself, sometimes, taking to the social network to vent my own frustration. Anger, frustration and disappointment are like a virus. They sit in your brain eating up all the good chemicals, until nothing is left but sadness.  Why is it so hard to let go? Why is letting go almost like art, something that takes talent, practice and an open mind to achieve?

Letting go, for me, has been the biggest part of my healing process, and a catalyst for the great changes I have made in my life.

When I was diagnosed with PCOS and I gained weight uncontrollably, lost my hair, learned I was infertile and became depressed - I was angry. I was angry for a really long time. But then something amazing happened. I let go. I had spent my whole life obsessed with how I looked and how much I weighed. I was miserable. I was skinny, gorgeous, talented, smart, had everything going for me in the world - and I was miserable. When I lost some of the things I perceived to be so important, at first, it was devastating. I hid from the world. I feared holidays or any time people from my "old life" would see me. It was as if I would burst into flames should anyone know how far I perceived I had fallen. But, time went on, and I did not burst into flames, I didn't die and I changed. I changed on the inside. I began to see the world from a different perspective. I saw beauty in things I didn't appreciate before. I realized that the things that truly mattered, were , as cliche as it sounds, not that of this physical world, but in that of the world inside of us. Now when I meet people, I don't judge them on their pant size, but on the size of their heart. I judge them by their actions. I judge them by what they contribute to this world. And nothing is sexier than a smart, kind, loving, funny, giving person. It wasn't until I let go of my old way of thinking about life and people, that I finally was able to change things I needed to change to get healthier.

When I was diagnosed with clinical depression, general anxiety and panic disorder, I was angry and I was scared. I was angry that I had to see doctors. Angry that I had to spend time in an out patient center. Angry that I had to go to meetings to deal with my drinking - a coping mechanism I developed to deal with my problems. Angry I hadn't gotten help earlier, I wondered if my life would have been happier if it had not taken so long to get the help I needed. I was angry that there were days I could not get out of bed. I was angry that it took two years and a dozen medications to finally find a combination that worked for me. Angry that I had to endure countless side effects as I searched for relief. But today, I have an understanding and an overwhelming empathy for those who also struggle with mental illness. I no longer see it as a stigma, as something to whisper about in secret. It is a part of who I am, and it is a part of a lot of people. People who are smart and gifted and creative and caring. And no matter how unfair I felt this blow was, I realized that there were and are so many people who have it far worse than I ever have or ever will. It opened my eyes to a side of the human condition that I never would have seen, had I not experienced it for myself. It changed me.

When I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis, I was furious. What do you mean I have a chronic pain disease? What do you mean I can't eat or drink anything acidic? What do you mean I will have bouts of crippling pain for the rest of my life? But again, I didn't die, and I learned to change my life to deal with this disease.

Life is not determined by the things that are handed to us, life is determined BY THE WAY WE HANDLE the things that are handed to us. You have two choices. You can sit in misery, wondering "why me", as you let your life pass by. Or, you can "let go" of your anger, hurt and disappointment and learn to live your life on life's terms. And, in the midst of all this pain and ugliness, the most beautiful thing can happen - acceptance and forgiveness. The little things that used to make you so angry, just roll off your shoulders like beads of rain. You appreciate what you have more, and you find yourself a kinder wiser human being.

I see so much hope and beauty in my future, no matter what else life deals me. I am stronger and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. The next time something happens, whether it be a mean co-worker, a flat tire, a stolen cell phone - remember that these things are only small pittance in comparison to what life could deal you. It may at first be hard to accept, forgive and let go, but it is worth the sacrifice. You will come to know a new level of happiness and you will find that life is wide open with possibilities.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Final Cost of Meal Plan

The final cost was $150 approximately. That is for 2 people and included breakfast and lunch items like bagged salads and greek yogurt. That is $10.71 a day per person or $3.57 per meal per person . SO MUCH CHEAPER THAN EATING OUT!!!


Monday
Crock pot pot Roast – rump roast, new potatoes, baby carrots, peas, seasoning mix
Tuesday
Grilled salmon, peas and rice pilaf
Wednesday
Taco Salad – turkey meat, taco seasoning, onion, green pepper, rotel, iceburg lettuce shredded, sour cream, borracho beans
Thursday
Crock pot chicken curry –1.5 lbs chicken, 1 cup onion, 2 medium diced tomatoes, 1 green pepper, 3 tablespoons curry powder, 4 teaspoons of chicken bouillon, 1 tablespoon of ketchup, ½ teaspoon salt and rice pilaf
Friday
Roasted Garlic Beef and Vegetable Stir Fry – 1.5 lb beef sirloin, 2 tblsp soy sauce, garlic seasoning, 2 teaspoons of cornstarch, ½ tsp ground ginger, 1 tablespoon oil, 5 cups of stir fry veggies
Saturday
 crock pot chili – 2 lbs of turkey, onion, bell pepper, rotel, tomato paste, beans all kinds


Sunday – cheat day !!!

Grocery List


2 dozen eggs
salmon or other fish
Salad mixes
Rump roast
Baby carrots
New potatoes
Frozen peas 2
Near east rice pilaf 3
Turkey meat 3
Taco seasoning
Onion 4
Green pepper 4
Rotel 3
Shredded iceburg
Sour cream
Borracho beans
Black beans
White beans
Kidney beans
2 medium tomatos
Frozen chicken
Ketchup
1.5 lb sirloin
Soy sauce
Corn starch 
ground ginger 
bagged salad kits
tuna kits
canned soup
greek yogurt 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Meal Plan and Grocery List

Sean and I sat down and made a low glycemic meal plan and grocery list. I am going to the grocery store tonight so I will let you know the cost. We will try the meal plan for the week and see how we like it, and make changes from there as needed.

Monday
Crock pot pot Roast – rump roast, new potatoes, baby carrots, peas, seasoning mix
Tuesday
Grilled salmon, peas and rice pilaf
Wednesday
Taco Salad – turkey meat, taco seasoning, onion, green pepper, rotel, iceburg lettuce shredded, sour cream, borracho beans
Thursday
Crock pot chicken curry –1.5 lbs chicken, 1 cup onion, 2 medium diced tomatoes, 1 green pepper, 3 tablespoons curry powder, 4 teaspoons of chicken bouillon, 1 tablespoon of ketchup, ½ teaspoon salt and rice pilaf
Friday
Roasted Garlic Beef and Vegetable Stir Fry – 1.5 lb beef sirloin, 2 tblsp soy sauce, garlic seasoning, 2 teaspoons of cornstarch, ½ tsp ground ginger, 1 tablespoon oil, 5 cups of stir fry veggies
Saturday
 crock pot chili – 2 lbs of turkey, onion, bell pepper, rotel, tomato paste, beans all kinds

Sunday – cheat day !!!

Grocery List

2 dozen eggs
salmon or other fish
Salad mixes
Rump roast
Baby carrots
New potatoes
Frozen peas 2
Near east rice pilaf 3
Turkey meat 3
Taco seasoning
Onion 4
Green pepper 4
Rotel 3
Shredded iceburg
Sour cream
Borracho beans
Black beans
White beans
Kidney beans
2 medium tomatos
Frozen chicken
Ketchup
1.5 lb sirloin
Soy sauce
Corn starch 
ground ginger 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

5,000 Views

I can't believe that I am about to have 5,000 views on this little blog of mine. I thought a good way to commemorate this would be to re-post my very first post. It is aptly called change, and the words resonate just as clearly today as they did over three years ago.

There really isn't anything special about turning 27, but for whatever reason I have decided this will be my year of change. There really isn't one particular thing I want to change, but rather I see change as an all encompasing effort to become a better person. Change starts from within yourself. Obviously you have to be unhappy with something or maybe just unhappy in general, but there is something inside yourself that recognizes that things could be better. I think the biggest mistake people make when they want to change is looking around themselves for their reason. They want to change to impress someone or some people. They think their problems are a direct result of the people around them. Or they think they got dealt a short hand in life. Really, change is recognizing in yourself that you yourself need to fix something. Maybe it is the way you perceive your life or the people around you. Maybe it is simply making better choices. I know one of the biggest things I need to change is my ability to forgive. That includes not only those people I hold petty grudges against, but also to forgive myself. Life is too short to hurt on purpose. And really that is all anger is - hurting on purpose. I need to focus on cultivating the positive things in my life. My talents my abilities won't grow unless I tend to them. Sometimes I think the scariest thing in life is taking a chance on a dream. What if I fail or worse what if I succeed ? What will happen? I think often people get complacent in trying half ass, because it is safe. You get used to not discovering your full potential and failure becomes the norm. I know that I am sick, but I can't stop living my life just because some doctors are taking longer than I would like to diagnose me. I have seen my hair loss and weight gain as a reason to hide from the world. How pathetic that is! No matter what kind of cards you have been dealt in life you should appreciate every moment even if they are not under the circumstances you would like. Change can happen. I will make this change happen.

Still Winning By Losing

The past couple of weeks have been very productive. I am gearing up to start a new job soon, and I am very excited to go back to work. July was a month filled with a lot of vacations. We went to Las Vegas and we went to Rockport Tx. Amazingly Sean and I still managed to lose weight. The key that I keep talking about is moderation and allowed cheat days.

Sean is down to 258 from 303 for a total weight loss of 45 lbs.

I am down to 240 from 283 for a total weight loss of 43 lbs.

So what is next?

Sean and I are committed to continue working on working out. DDP Yoga is our main work out, though we plan to add more variety and intensity as we get stronger.

I have 17 weeks until my wedding and am hoping to lose 1-2 lbs per week so 17-34 more lbs before the big day. This should put me somewhere in the 200-225 lb range for the wedding. It is great motivation.

I will be getting full blood work done soon, so I will have a new read on my hormone and cholesterol levels to judge how my PCOS is doing. I will update those as soon as I know the outcome.

Mostly right now we are focused on moving forward and getting stuff done. I have had great luck with my current depression medications and regular therapy. It took two years and over a dozen different drugs to find the right combo for me, so if you are struggling don't give up. Even if you lose almost everything, like I did, you can still bounce back, like I also did. Just don't ever give up.




A Random Act of Kindness

Most bizarre night ever last night. Sean's friends came over to celebrate our friend's birthday and they all decided at 2 am they wanted to go to Jims. So I tagged along. We get there and I pick a booth all the way in the back for the 7 of us. What I didn't realize was there was a very young and skinny girl passed out in the booth next to us. I went to the bathroom and when I came out there were 3 cops questioning her. She was so high. I mean eyes rolling in the back of her head high. So I tried not to stare as the cops tried to talk to her for about 30 minutes. To my surprise the cops decided there was nothing to be done and left. So we order. This 18 year old girl, who happened to be with us but who I don't really know, had the bad taste to start taking video of the girl I guess to put on you tube for a laugh or something and I told her to stop that it wasn't right and that she had absolutely no idea what the girl's situation was and that addiction isn't funny or a joke. Then I hear the girl in the booth calling out to me. She said ma'am can you help me? And I am like seriously? Ok our food is taking forever, what the hell, I will go and talk to this girl. So I sit down, and she just told me everything. She had just been raped a couple of days before. She showed me the police report and the hospital paperwork. We talked and I told her it was okay, that I had been there and knew exactly what she was going through. And we talked and it turned out when she went to the hospital they gave her Valium. (I later discovered the bottle in her name in her purse while searching for her id) She wanted to get away from her home so she rented a hotel room with some friends next door to Jims but had taken too many Valium so her friends just dumped her at the Jims and took off. She had no cell phone and couldn't remember any phone numbers to call. She said she just wanted to go home to her mom and her two dogs. We talked for a really long time, about how she came from an abusive broken home and had spent her life seeing therapists and doctors, how she dropped out of school in middle school and if she could be anything in the world she would want to be a children's psychologist to help kids. And then I found her id. I almost cried. Here in this picture was a happy smiling young woman, yet here in front of me sat a broken, scared little girl who just wanted to go home to her mother. Finally, with Sean Marshall Jr. permission, I just decided okay we will take her home. so we just left our friends and took our food to go. She let me search her purse for weapons, drugs and her id. I removed a couple of pocket knives just to be on the safe side. As I was leaving the waitresses at Jims said that a couple of men tried to say they would take her home, but they wouldn't let them. And the cops said all that could be done would be to call her a cab, which neither she nor her mother had the money for. So we put her in the back seat and I held all her belongings with me just to be safe. She lived off of San Pedro and I held Sean's hand the whole time, because I will be honest I was a little scared. But when we pulled up to her house, with no car in a poor neighborhood, her mother came running out barefoot in a nightgown crying thanking us for bringing her daughter home who apparently had been missing for a couple of days. She thanked us and blessed us. I gave Savannah a big hug and told her to hang in there, and we left. When we got in the car I just started crying. I thought about my own life. How blessed I am to have people to call to come get me if ever I were in need. Friends who would never leave me alone and vulnerable on the other side of town with no money. A home, a husband, security, an education. There are a lot of broken people out there, and it is so easy to turn away and just not look so you don't have to take any responsibility as a fellow human being to help them. And just because they are broken , doesn't mean they aren't human and can't be helped. They are somebody's daughter, sister, wife, friend. My life was and is the complete opposite of Savannah's, yet somehow she could see in my eyes that I had been there and I would help her. So I guess maybe we weren't that different after all.

I don't know who this helped more, me or Savannah. I realize that she may never be able to become a therapist and help children, but I can. I can help people. And it isn't even just that, it is just helping people everyday. We can all do that. You don't need a master's degree to help people. I will probably never forget that young 24 year old girl I met in a diner at 2 am, and I know I will forever be humbled by this experience.