Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Is there a point that is gets so bad that we hide not only from other but from ourselves? I think so. Denial is a powerful thing. Many women with PCOS suffer from mental disorders, such as depression. Yes I said mental disorder, a lot of people have them, but not a lot a of people talk about them.

 I suffer particularly badly from depression and anxiety and the meds were just not enough until my doctor added a drug resperidrone to the mix. Suddenly my mind cleared, like clouds parting on a sunny day, and things started to make sense again. They warned me, they said this drug would cause weight gain. What I didn't know is that I would gain 50 lbs in 4 months. Now that has to be some kind of record. My feet hut. My knees hurt. My skin hurts. My pride hurts. The final draw was last week when I weighed in at a whopping 278 from 229 4 months ago. My first reaction was to drop the drug, but then when I thought about it I realized that I would rather be sane and happy than thin and unhappy. Then a wise friend pointed out that perhaps I should look at what I was eating. Resperidrone makes you hungry, it doesn't make your body metabolize any different.

So last week for 7 days I ate healthy and I did lots of gardening and I lost 8 lbs. Down to 270. Now I know that most of that is water weight, but it shows me that 1. I can stay on the Resperidrone 2. your first assumption is just that an assumption and 3. often we don't realize how much we are eating and that is why is can be so important to keep a food journal even if for just one week out of the month to make sure you aren't eating more than you think.

This is a really long journey. First I thought it was just about weight. Then it became about finding out I was sick with IC and dealing with that. Quitting drinking and smoking for health reasons.Getting help for my depression and anxiety.  Changing my life. Since the day I started this journey my life has been changing dramatically. And that was the point to begin with - change. I realize now weight loss was just a catalyst for change greater than I could imagine.

1 comment: