Waiting

I have never been good at the waiting game - you know that thing known as patience. Not one of my virtues. Maybe God said "I will make her a really good singer, but to balance her out I will make her grumpy and impatient". I don't know. So my last dr. appointment was June 21st. Granted there was a holiday in the middle there, I would really like to hear something back from my lab work. I have called twice. Each time the nice lady on the end of the line say the dr. is reviewing the results and will get back to me. Ok. I can respect needing time to properly review and research. I can only assume that if something were really wrong they would have called me by now, so I will be optimistic. I must remember I have been seeing doctors for 6 years about the same thing, and no one yet has put a finger on it. Extreme weight gains, hair loss, the estrogen levels of a 90 year old, weakness, depression, increasing joint pain, and stomoch pains are my main symptoms.

So far after 3 days of healthy eating I must say that I do have a noticeable increase in energy. However, today my stomach is really bothering me. It is like a slow burn in my gut. It could have been the coffee I had this morning, I am not sure. I do have Gastritus. Who knows.


So I wait. wait. wait. wait. wait............

When Do We Choose To Be Happy ?

What is the secret to happiness? Is it money?Is it love? Is it adventure? I think the secret to happiness it choosing to be happy no matter what you have or life gives you. Case in point. I can remember back so many times, when I was younger and man do I ever wish I was as thin as I was when I thought I was fat. Picture a size 4 128 lb girl 20 years old buying slim fast at the grocery store. I remember this lady behind me took it upon herself to tell me that I didn't need to diet that I looked great. I can remember appreciating the compliment, but of course I still bought the slim fast. She was older and wiser and I should have listenend to her, but what 20 year old listens to anyone. See happyness is relative. It isn't contigent upon an exact set of circumstances. One person could be very happy making $30k per year while another person is miserable and in debt making $100k per year. Trust me I take loan application all day - I know ! I don't want to be that person making $100k per year wishing I made more. If only I got a raise. If only I got a promotion. How happy I would be ! Of course until I got there and then I would spend more borrow more and appreciate less. Life is like that. If you don't stay concious you stop appreciate what you do have. You start putting pressure on yourself to get more to be more, and you become less and less content with the more you get. But it doesn't have to be that way. How ? Just learn to appreciate what you have. Take inventory of your life, all that you have achieved and all of your positive aspects. Stop for a while with the goals and the coveting and just enjoy what you have. We come into this world with nothing and we leave the same way - so what is the point ? Just be happy. Wake up every morning and make the choice to be happy! You will find the more content you are, the less you covet, the more good things come your way.

Good Soup

Man I bought these Wolfgang Puck soups at Sun Harvest and man they are good. They are organic and they have so much flavor. However I will note that they have more calories than your standard Cambpell's Chicken and Noodle - about 300 va 160. So these really do count as a meal - but they are so good ! A bit pricey but really good. http://www.wolfgangpucksoup.com/


Last night I tried to make sweet potato fries, but I over seasoned them. But I did find that if you sprinkle them lightly with salt and sugar it is really good. Somehow I added to much spice.

yummy

Bought these chip like things at Sun Harvest and they are so good. They are called Food Should Taste Good and they are Cheddar tortilla chips made with Luinoa Soy Flax Sunflower and Sesame Seens Oat Fiber and Brown Rice and they have 3 grams fo fiber pers ervicng 0 sugar and are delish!!!!!


http://www.foodshouldtastegood.com/#/cheddar/

Day Two

I don't have anything profound to say today. Today my stomach hurts as does my back and my joints. It has been 2 weeks since I went to see the dr. and I am still waiting on all the lab results. I called last Thursday and they said she was still reviewing them but I would need to come back in for more blood work. I am starting to think I might now have an easy answer any time soon. Yesterday I made a huge pot of beans, grilled a bunch of chicken and made brown rice. I have decided I am not much of a fan of brown rice. My old music teacher from highschool recommended I cook it in chicken broth to add flavor, so I will try that next time. Working out is going to be hard, because of the constant pain I am in. Lately it has been my right knee and my left wrist. I am still sturggling if I want to take the dr. up on the pain meds she offered. I don't desire to numb the pain I want to fix it, but I don't know how long that will take.


I am also trying to be more aware of how I react to people. I have noticed that I often times get much more upset than I should over little things. I am trying to make a concious effort to let the little things go. Now that doesn't just mean not reacting negatively, but also not letting them bug me. When I begin to have a thought that is not productive I simply say stop. Keep saying stop until the thought goes away. See we really can controll our own emotions. We are not a by-product of our enviroment -- we have controll and can choose to be happy.


well my lunch break is almost over .........

Change

There really isn't anything special about turning 27, but for whatever reason I have decided this will be my year of change. There really isn't one particular thing I want to change, but rather I see change as an all encompasing effort to become a better person. Change starts from within yourself. Obviously you have to be unhappy with something or maybe just unhappy in general, but there is something inside yourself that recognizes that things could be better. I think the biggest mistake people make when they want to change is looking around themselves for their reason. They want to change to impress someone or some people. They think their problems are a direct result of the people around them. Or they think they got dealt a short hand in life. Really, change is recognizing in yourself that you yourself need to fix something. Maybe it is the way you perceive your life or the people around you. Maybe it is simply making better choices. I know one of the biggest things I need to change is my ability to forgive. That includes not only those people I hold petty grudges against, but also to forgive myself. Life is too short to hurt on purpose. And really that is all anger is - hurting on purpose. I need to focus on cultivating the positive things in my life. My talents my abilities won't grow unless I tend to them. Sometimes I think the scariest thing in life is taking a chance on a dream. What if I fail or worse what if I succeed ? What will happen? I think often people get complacent in trying half ass, because it is safe. You get used to not discovering your full potential and failure becomes the norm. I know that I am sick, but I can't stop living my life just because some doctors are taking longer than I would like to diagnose me. I have seen my hair loss and weight gain as a reason to hide from the world. How pathetic that is! No matter what kind of cards you have been dealt in life you should appreciate every moment even if they are not under the circumstances you would like. Change can happen. I will make this change happen.