Thursday, July 28, 2011


"Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow - it is not a permanent rest stop" - Dodinsky

"Give Sorrow words: the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break" - William Shakespeare

When people think of grief they think of death, but grief can exist in many other forms. Most of us take our grief, from whatever cause, and stuff it down like a magnet, collecting more pain and grief along the way. At some point in our lives we have events or losses that trigger our grief. I have learned that there are 5 stages.

1.Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."

Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

2.Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"

Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

3.Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."

The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."

4.Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

5.Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one.

The above example uses death. But again death is not the only thing people grieve.We will all at some point in our lives face grief. Whether is be the loss of a marriage, the death of a loved one, or a major change in our lives we cannot control.  I think it is ok for people with PCOS to grieve. In fact I think it is important. To acknowledge the loss of control we have over our bodies. To possibly not be able to have children. To likely develop obesity, heart disease, diabetes, etc. The cycle of grief is in itself a beautiful thing, because in the end there is peace and there is acceptance. And along the way we face our demon. We recognize it. We mourn it. And then we let it go. I am not giving up on getting better, but I think before I can get better I need to find that peace. Maybe the act of searching for that peace is in itself getting better.

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