Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Post 101..... When things get scary.

I have been having extreme pain over the past couple of months. Being me, I just tried to ignore it and brush it off. But, my better half kept telling me to go to the dr. Well I went to the dr. to drop off some FMLA paperwork and I casually mentioned my pain to the receptionist and before I knew it I had an immediate appointment. So fine. Looks like I can't ignore or pretend the pain isn't real anymore. So today I had a pelvic ultrasound, focusin on my ovaries. There are too many possibilities to worry about any of them. My dr's fear is that I have endometreosis or larger cysts called "bloody cysts" on top of my normal PCOS cycts. The only good thing out of the dr. visit was I got some vicodin for the pain. I was a wreck, most of what my dr. said included the word sugury in it, and I want so badly to have natural kids if I can. (Although I am always open to adopt) So today I left work early and went to the imaging center at the hospital off Stone Oak. Big props to STRIC number 15. Brand new facility super nice building super nice staff. The ultrasound tech isn't supposed to tell me anything, but I did manage to get out of her that 1. she didn't see any large cysts (meaning over 5 cm in size) Yay! and 2. That there were many many many cysts in my ovaries. I still don't know about the endometriosis yet, I have to wait for the radiologist to read the ultrasounds, and then they tell my dr. and then my dr. tells me. It is scary. The thought of having another problem on top of the problem I already have is just crippling, but I think God waited to throw this at me until I was stronger. Had he given me this burden this fear a few months ago I don't think I could have handled it. I am going to keep a positive outlook, although my reaction so far to those who have told me to not worry about it and think if sunshine is to want to tell them to shove the sunshine where the sun don't shine, but I know they mean well. How can they empathize with something they've never had to even think about? Most women take their ability to have kids for granted. Then there are those of us who would give anything for just the chance to have one. I write this because it gives me comfort to tell my story, but I also hope that if there is anyone else out there going through the same thing they know they aren't alone and in return I am not alone. Optimistic thoughts. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Strength is born from adversity.

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