Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Something happens about a month or two into losing weight. You start to get excited. Clothes start fitting that haven't fit in a really long time. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you notice a difference. Then you start day dreaming. For me, I am starting to imagine what it will be like to get back down to my goal weight. How I will have an excuse to buy cute new professional clothes. I see myself being more confident. Maybe playing more shows or trying to get a show of my own. I want to get a tatoo. Don't tell my dad. I am going to have horrible strech marks and I was thinking how cool it would be to get tattoos to cover them up. Just a thought. I also have noticed that little things have changed. Today I went into the office and they had a pep rally for sales and I was chosen to represent my team at work. There was the best looking spread of cookies and punch and chips all spread out for the taking. I didn't even look twice at them. No interst. I see that now and I see sugar. I think about my insulin resistance and I think "that cookie is so not worth it". I hope tht after this journey is over I can find peace with myself. I hope that I make changes that stick. I hope I will always see that cookie as just "sugar" and that I never let myself slip back into this situation. I find comfort in knowing that this wasn't all "myfault". That I do have a condition that causes all the problems I have. But, I also take responsibility for the portion that was my fault. Choosing to eat junk because it tasted good over because it was good for me. Choosing to drink more than I really should drink. Choosing not to work out because I had lazier things to do. Life really is all about choices. Some choices are small choices that we make each and every day, like what we eat, or the words we speak - but over time they create who we are. So now I make new choices. Every day I find myself a little closer to where I want to be and I am excited.