Surrender

There are times in life where we have to realize that our problems are bigger than ourselves. Sometimes we have to surrender to outside help. One of the things that PCOS causes is depression. When they put me on the higher estrogen I literally could no longer function. I am getting help seeing a slew of doctors. I am starting out with Wellbutrin once a day and Klonopin four times a day.I am not allowed to drink at all, which is a big change for me.  I am also taking some time off work. I can't make it more than a few hours without having some kind of break down and crying. The simplest tasks seem impossible. So right now my main focus is getting back to a good place, and when I get there I will start working again on loosing the weight and getting healthy so that I can have a baby and live a long healthy life.

Broken Record

Sometimes I feel like a broken record. We went on vacation for Sean's birthday so I decided not to take my Metformin so I could cheat a little. One month later I am still cheating and have missed a whole month of Metformin. I gained 10 lbs in just a few weeks. Amazing. I started taking my meds again yesterday. I also went and saw my doctor. Had to hand my head and own up to  my failure. I figure all I can do is keep trying. I am adjusting still to the estrogen. I am going to take half doses of metformin until my body gets used to it. The goal is to get me up to 3 500 mg pills per day. My doctor says many of her patients who have diabetes can't handle the metformin, but unfortunitaly there is no other medication out there for PCOS. I don't know why PCOS doesn't get more funding or research. I think mostly because it isn't life threatening, although it leads to life threatening diseases such as diabetes, heart diseas, obesity, etc. Most women with PCOS don't find out until they have problems trying to have a baby. I guess I should consider myself luck to have found out at 26. At least I know what I need to do to get healthy, now I just have to make myself do it.

Grrrr.......

I don't know what is the more frustrating part of PCOS. There are many crappy things, but I think the most frustrating for me at least at this moment is gaining weight even though I am dieting. Yes, it is true women with PCOS become insulin resistant and go into what is called Metobolic Syndrome and they will gain weight even when they stick to diet and/or exercise plans. Now 2 weeks ago the weight gain started right about the time I started my new quadrupel strength estrogen/progesteron pill. Now in theory this pill is supposed to help, but in the meantime it is turning me into a crazy woman who is apparently also gaining weight. So now I am in survival mode. I am just trying not to gain weight. I don't know how long until my body adjusts to this pill. I would think 1-3 months, but I will ask my dr. the next time I speak to her. Having PCOS you have to find a magic balance in order to lose weight. I've done it in the past, but it is really hard. I haven't lost faith and I don't plan on stopping the slow carb diet but I just wanted to vent how frustrating it is to be eating so healthy and still be gaining weight. Welcome to the world of PCOS.

The Four Part Balancing Act

I have a read what feels like a million articles on PCOS. I have seen many doctors and I think I finally have it norrowed down the plan that is going to get me back to healthy. It is a four part plan. A balancing act if you will.

1. Diet
2. Exercise
3. Medication
4. Supplements

1. Diet

  Since people with PCOS are insulin resistant, the best diet to follow is a low carb high protein diet simlar to the kind of diets doctor's reccomend for diabetics.


2. Exercise

  Exercise helps with insulin resistance. It also helps with cardiovascular disease, which is a side effect of PCOS.

3. Medication

  Metformin, Progesterone, Estrogen, and Sprinolactone

4. Supplements


 I am still researching this further, but definitaley fish oil to help fight inflamation caused by weight gain and insulin resistance. I want to reseach more into homeopathic treatments for PCOS, which may include natural hormone supplements.


Also important is accountability. Seeing my doctor every 3 months to have lab work done and to monitor my progress. Also accountability to myself. There is no magic pill that fixes PCOS. The treatment is a combination of medication and lifestyle changes. In order to get better I have to get myself better. No one is going to do that for me. It will take sacrifice and discipline. It will be a hard and slow process, but the reward is so much better than the alternative. It isn't just about weight. It isn't just about fertility. Its about my overall health in general, and in the bigger picture my over all happiness.

The Slow Carb Diet Slowly Working

My mother has lost 30 lbs in 3 or so months in the slow carb diet. I am very inspired ! This marks the 3rd week of the slow carb diet I am down 6 lbs. So that is 12 lbs from where I originally started about a year ago. Not the progress I wanted. I hoped for more, but I failed to deliver. There are days I wake up and I feel very motivated and I tell myself it doesn't matter how long it takes or how many times I have to start over. And then there are days where  I feel sorry for myself for having PCOS for having gained 80 lbs and for having to even eat a certain way. For having it be so damn hard to lose weight. I just want to be better. Time goes by so slow but its gone too damn fast. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. I want to be happy and I want to be healthy. For anyone thinking of doing the slow carb thing here are the pros and cons.

The Pros

If you are taking metformin like I am you no longer have sugar interaction with the drugs and therfor will see a dramtic decrease in nausea vomitting and other unpleasant stomach problems

You don't have to count calories you simply stick to certain foods

Meals are simple one lean protien one bean/legume and one vegitable

Results -- the average person will lose 2-3 lbs per week

Cheat Day! One day a week you get to eat anything and everything you want - its like a celebration of food and you still lose weight

The Cons

you have to give up fruit, carbs, dairy, etc.

Beans at every meal is very strange and hard to get used to

Cravings - if you have a sweet tooth there is only so much sugar free jello you can eat before you find yourself with a pint of Ben and Jerry's in your hand

Sometimes cheat day seems so far away .......


I plan on sticking with this way of eating if for no other reason than I am no longer sick off the Metformin. To me the weight loss is an added bonus. They have quadrupled my estrogen pill so other than making me crazy while I adjust, I am hoping it doesn't put a stall to my weight loss. This first week on the new pill I didn't lose any weight. The two prior weeks I lost 6 lbs. 4 lbs the first week and 2 lbs the 2nd week. My body may just need time to adjust. I am hopeful. I appreciate all the kind words from friends and family who have been through this rollecoaster ride of diet drugs and fertility issues. It is good to know we are not alone.

Society and Weight

I think society needs to get its story straight. Society says it is shamefull to be overweight, yet society says the same about caring if you are overweight. Example you gain weight you say to people "I am so unhappy I feel awful" to which they instinctually reply " you shouldn't care what anyone thinks" or " you look good big" or "don't say that, its what's on the inside that counts". Meantime there are 20 infomercials on each night telling you how your dreams can come true if you buy/use their machine/product. The diet and exercise industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. And those same people who weigh more than 50 lbs less than you later can't help but mention how they themselves would love to lose a few pounds. C'mon world we've got to get our stories straight. How can something be not ok and ok at the same time? I told our therepist that I gained 80 lbs in two years which was caused by PCOS and that I don't feel pretty anymore, to which she replied "but Sean still thinks you are pretty". Is that supposed to fix the problem? The problem isn't Sean, the problem is me. I don't feel pretty. Sean can think I am the Queen of Sheba, but that isn't going to change my self image. I don't know the secret to feeling better about myself. I don't think a lot of us do. That is probably why there are a million self help books out there. When I say this is a journey, man am I ever not kidding.

On a positive note. The Slow carb diet has been going well. On an unexpected, yet positive, note I have found that cutting carbs has pretty much gotten rid of the stomach problems I was having with the Metformin. This is good because now I am more likely to actually take my medication 3 times a day like I am supposed to. The slow carb diet is strange in a way because you have to get used to weight fluctuations due to the once a week cheat day. The first week I lost 4 lbs. Then after cheat day I gained 2 lbs back and now I am still waiting for that weight to drop off and to lose more. I don't expect to lost 4lbs every week. I would be thrilled with 2 lbs per week. And, now that I have discovered the added benefits of my stomach feeling better I plan on sticking with this way of eating for a long time. At least until I am healthy enough to get off of the Metformin. Oh that will be such a happy day. I appreciate medication for the wonderful things it can do, but most medications have side effects and Metformin for me has been the worst medication for side effects I have ever taken.

So just to re-cap. Society is strange. Metformin is bad. And the slow carb diet is good.

Slow Carb Day 3

Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. for giggles I weighed myself this morning and I've lost 4 lbs. But, I am 99% sure that is just water weight. I am optimistic that my total weight loss for this week will be very motivating. I have had some carbohydrate withdrawels. Yesterday at work I caved and got a skinny vanilla latte which has like 110 calories. I was 7 hours into my 9 hour day and I just wasn't going to make it without something. I figure that was a lot better than the sushi I wanted to buy downstairs. Note to self put sushi on my cheat day meal list. Better yet one of those cheap chinese buffets that serves all the yummy fried foods and half decent sushi. mmmmmmm........ So day 2 and Sean was already complaining about beans. It's funny I wonder why it is the beans you seem to get sick of first? Well over time the carb withdrawels will go away and Sean and I will learn to accept the beans on the simple fact that we are hungry and they have energy in them.

I took measurement this morning. Wow that was depressing and eye opening. My once always 28 inch waist has now ballooned to 41 inches. Here are my starting measurements.

Chest 45"
Waist 41"
Hips 50"
Theeigh 29.5"
Knee 20.5"
Arms 15"

I am going to conintue to not only weight myself but to measure in case there are weeks that I don't lose weight I may lose inches and that will keep me motivated.

Motivation. Motivation. Motivation. That is the key right now. It's just another phase in a long journey. You don't win by getting there fastest - you just win if you get there.