Growing up you hear all kinds of sayings. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Yesterday the strangest thing happened to me. Sean and I decided to go out to dinner. We sat down, ordered our food, and were just sitting there talking. All of a suddon a young woman, about my age decent looking and dressed fashionably, walked up to our table. She says to me: "I know that you don't know me, and I don't want you to think this is rude of me. My husband already thinks I am crazy. But, I saw you walk in and I had to tell you that I think you have the most beautiful body. You have perfect porportions and you are not too skinny. Do you do something like work out?" Ok you should have seen my face. I sat there silent looking around the resteraunt for laughing kids, or someone who had put her up to this. But there wasn't any. All I could mutter was "actually I just recently gained 80 lbs, but thank you" Maybe I should have said " yes in order to get this body you must eat like a pig drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney" but I didn't. She smiled and apologized again if she had emberrassed me and returned to the table with her husband. I didn't know what to do. I thought about crying. I thought about leaving. I surely lost my apetite. I don't know why I had that reaction. I guess in all my self loathing, I have somehow convinced myself that I am such an abomination that to have a person tell me the complete opposite just throws my wolrd off of its axis. Even when I was skinny and in great shape, I never had a stranger come up to me like that.
I guess what I have realized is that beauty really is in the eye of a beholder. I talk a lot about perception. How everything is how you frame it in your mind. Two people can experience the same situation and tell two different stories. Now when I feel bad about myself, I will always remember that woman in the resteraunt. She covets what I have, even though I hate what I have. The women I see that I wish I could look like, very likely wish they looked different. Everyone wants what someone else has. Maybe part of the secret to happiness it to learn to love what you do have. Stop comparing yourself to someone else. Focus on yourself and achieving what is possible for you, and loving yourself every step along the way.